O is for Oral
O is for Oral
Hi everyone! Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host. We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time. Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is O and O is for Oral.
Oral sex is the term used for sex where someone uses their mouth on the other person’s genitals. It covers both fellatio (where the genitals in question are a penis) and cunnilingus (where the genitals in question are a vagina/vulva/clitoris). For some, oral sex is a taboo. For others, it is better than any other kind of sexual activity. Today, I will give you a quick tour of facts and tips to do with oral sex.
While there are still sodomy laws on the books in 18 US states, they are unenforceable now because in 2003, the Supreme Court ruled in a case where two men were arrested because they were performing oral sex that this arrest was unconstitutional. The majority opinion stated by Justice Anthony Kennedy (who has just retired) said:
The present case does not involve minors. It does not involve persons who might be injured or coerced or who are situation in relationships where consent might not easily be refused. It does not involve public conduct or prostitution. It does not involve whether the government must give formal recognition to any relationship that homosexual persons seek to enter. The case does involve two adults who, with full and mutual consent from each other, engaged in sexual practices common to a homosexual lifestyle. The petitioners are entitled to respect for their private lives. The State cannot demean their existence or control their destiny by making their private sexual conduct a crime.
But of course, oral sex happens between people of all genders. Sodomy laws were often not prosecuted when the people were heterosexual. In the countries where oral sex is still illegal, it is homosexual sex that is being targeted still.
One variation of oral sex is banned in any films and images in the UK and that is face sitting. Face sitting where the receiver sits on the face of the giver. In the UK the danger of suffocation was raised when the laws on violent pornography reviewed which lead to images of this being banned. There was a protest outside of parliament 12 December 2014 against the new laws. Fully dressed people sat on the faces of other fully dressed people. The demonstrators sang Monty Python’s Song: Sit on My Face during the demonstration. For those of you not familiar with the song, here is an excerpt.
The most common variation of straight forward oral sex is 69 where both partners give each other oral sex at the same time. This can require more flexibility than you might think. It also requires the ability to keep one’s attention focused on the partner while receiving pleasure. This can be extremely difficult. Daisy chains involve a circle of people engaged in oral sex. This can be a lot of fun but also requires the ability to keep your attention on what you are doing while you are receiving pleasure.
Traditionally in many cultures, oral sex was seen as a way to preserve virginity. Oral sex has also been seen as safe sex. It is certainly safe when it comes to pregnancy as if no sperm comes near the vagina, there will be no pregnancy.
In Ancient Rome, fellatio was taboo. This was generally because all sexual acts were seen as part of a dynamic of dominance and submission. So if a man performed fellatio, he was submitting which was seen as abhorrent. Receiving fellatio from a woman or a man of lower status (like a slave) was not a problem as they were meant to submit. Anal sex was seen as much more acceptable.
Cunnilingus has been revered in many cultures. In Taoism, it has been seen as a way to enhance longevity. In the Kama Sutra, it is seen as beneficial for both partners.
Oral sex is not an effective way to prevent STI’s. Some are less commonly spread via oral sex. For example, transmission of the HIV infection during oral sex is far lower risk than with vaginal or anal sex. Chlamydia, HPV (human papillomavirus), gonorrhoea, herpes, hepatitis (A, B, C) and syphilis can be transmitted through oral sex. There is a higher risk of transmission if the receiving partner has wounds on his/her genitals or if the giving has bleeding gums or wounds in the mouth. Mundane viruses can also be transmitted. So it is best to use a condom or a dental dam if you are performing oral sex.
On the positive side: If you have had miscarriages, ingesting your partner’s sperm can lower the risk of miscarriage as it increases a tolerance to the protein’s in his sperm.
Despite the concerns about oral sex, most people find receiving oral sex extremely pleasurable. Women who have trouble with reaching orgasm during penetrative sex can find oral sex to be an easy route to predictable regular orgasms. Technique is necessary to perform fellatio and cunnilingus. There is nothing worse than someone who is either really not into it or has no idea what they are doing and treats your bits as though they were a piece of raw meat or a science project.
Here are some tips to make your oral sex good enough to knock your socks off:
Involve your whole body
Don’t just go straight to the juicy bits. Start by kissing and licking all over the body. By the time you get to the main attraction, your lover will be ready to scream.
Use different strokes at the beginning
When a person is close to orgasm, changing strokes and pressures will sometimes move them further away – which is fine if you are teasing them and they have consented to this, but otherwise is very annoying. So if you want to switch things up, do it at the start of your session.
Remember the clitoris can be sucked as well as licked
This can be really intense so it isn’t great for some people. But for others it is pure dynamite. Want to try it out without a partner, check out the Lelo Sona clitoral stimulator. But please, start at the lowest setting!
Use an ice cube.
Yep, that is what I said. Temperature changes are hot hot hot. If you fear the cube itself will be too much, drip some of the melting water on him/her/them and see what that does. It’s still really cold but not as much of a shock as ice.
Get into a comfortable position
Being on your knees can be difficult to maintain for a long period of time once you are no longer in your youth. Try lying down. Or using cushions to place the body in different positions to serve up the sexy bits on a platter. Thinking outside the box can mean a much longer oral session.
Take your time
No one likes a rush job unless you are going for a quickie for a reason. Take the time to explore, start slowly, build up the intensity and the passion and the pleasure.
Use your hands
Hands can add to the experience of fellatio and cunnilingus. If you find deep throating difficult, well lubed hands can make sure that the penis gets full attention. Or you can use a finger to rub the frenulum (the spot just under the head of the penis) which is often really sensitive, while you are sucking and licking. Using a finger to do some of the clitoral stroking can raise her temperature too. Switching between tongue and finger can make it easier for you to last longer so she gets the full experience.
Don’t forget the labia.
The clitoris is where people usually focus when performing cunnilingus but the labia has lots of nerve endings and can be highly sensitive. Stimulate the inner and outer folds, and around the opening of the vagina.
Hum.
Yes. Hum a tune. This works for both cunnilingus and fellatio. The vibrations can be amazing and take the whole experience up a notch.
Don’t stop at one orgasm
Women can have multiple orgasms. (So can men but this take more practice and often learning how to retain the ejaculate. If you are interested in learning more, check out Mantak Chia’s work). Give her a break after the first orgasm by moving stimulation away from the clitoris but after a few minutes, go for it again.
Practice
The more you give oral sex, the better you become so do it a lot.
Finally the most important tip of all: be enthusiastic. If you don’t show that you enjoy what you are doing, neither of you will really enjoy it. The more your partner knows you are enjoying yourself, the hotter they will find the experience.
Today I talked about oral sex. If any of this triggered you or if you have a question or a comment, write to me at drloribeth@atozofsex.com.
Thanks for joining me this week for the A to Z of Sex. Write in with your questions to drloribeth@atozofsex.com and visit both websites www.atozofsex.com and www.the-intimacy-coach.com to learn about all types of relationships – all genders, sexualities, lifestyles.
For a free 30 minute session with me, head over to www.atozofsex.com and click on the button that says ‘book now’.
If you have enjoyed this podcast, please leave a review on Apple podcasts, iTunes and/or Sticher and please subscribe!
If you want access to extra writings, podcasts, videos and to know where you can see me live, sign up for my regular mailing by emailing me at drloribeth@atozofsex.com or picking up my free ebook at https://drloribeth.leadpages.co/intimacy-coach-opt Join me next week when the letter will be P and P is for Polyamory.
I will be joined by Anita Cassidy.
